I seem to be falling into a pattern where I don’t post, and then a video brings me back. I’ve been struggling a little lately. Mentally pretty good. Physically pretty good. Just a lot on my mind, plate and heart. Nothing life-and-death serious, just feeling impatient, turning unknowns over and over in my hands like tarot cards, waiting.
My friend JoEllen posted this video on Facebook this morning. It is a girl talking herself into her first ski jump. The fear is palpable, the courage breathtaking, the reward so sweet. A minute and 28 seconds never felt so long as a bystander.
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin
When we are in nervous situations, there seem to be two types of people. 1) The ones who would rather wait until they were really, really, really ready. 2) The ones who would rather jump first and feel the fear later. I am in the second category, hands down. My impulsivity can get the better of me in many cases, but I feel that it comes in handy other times. Right now, I feel like I am being tested to stand on the top of the ski jump for a while, waiting for that grace, feeling that fear a while. One giant plus about that waiting is that it gives you time to think, to reach out to others. Dan is much more the first type of person, so I have learned how to be still like him a while, and I think that he has learned over the last 14 years how to let his skis teeter a bit like me. We make a good team.
I am rambling a little, and the kids are waking up. Today think about the times you wait and the times you jump, and what you learn from feeling fear. I know I will be.
To quote this young skier: “Just the suspense at the top the first time freaks me out. That’s the only thing! It’s so fun!”